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When you are looking for the right coach, there is something important to consider. When you need support, whether it is for a flat tyre, to buy a special outfit, help for a worrying health condition, or if you want some coaching/therapy, I think it is safe to say we all want quick results. But I think the point is that we want ‘quick’ and we want ‘results’. But can we have them both?
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It’s hard not to get through life without a sense of regret: something you did which you shouldn’t have done; something you didn’t do which you should have. We’ve all had those moments. And of course sometimes there are consequences which could not be foreseen and for which we chastise ourselves nevertheless.
The repercussions can be subtle or profound. But, internally, guilt or shame can be uncomfortable consequences. And it can really impact your stress levels.
The list goes on. But, what’s important to know is that the past is irretrievable. The present is all there is because the future hasn’t happened yet.
So, what to do? First of all, understand the difference between guilt and shame.
Guilt is the concept that you did something bad; shame is the concept that you are bad. One is about behaviour, the other is about identity. Too often we let shame be our judge and shame is a destructive emotion which belittles, dishonours and disconnects. It certainly skews perspective and can paralyse.
Where possible to take remedial action:
Yes, regret can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to define you.
If you are stuck in regret and need additional help, do call me on 0345 130 0854 or get in touch here. You don’t have to do this alone.
© Tricia Woolfrey
It’s World Mental Health Day until the 10th and I thought I would give you a heads up as a part of my Causes of Stress series. Since my work revolves around performance, productivity, stress resilience and health and energy, mental health is at the centre of it all so it is a good time to reflect on it and to share with you something to help make sure that yours is optimal.
You see, we all have mental health. The question is not whether you have it but in what condition it’s in. Would you describe yours as Optimal? Functional? Variable? Or On the Floor? There are three main components to mental ill-health:
Of course, it isn’t as simple as that but it’s a really good start. There will be times when you feel you can do anything, but there will be times when you do feel stressed, depressed or anxious and each day feels like you’re wading through treacle, with weights on your ankles and a monkey on your back.
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If you are living with regrets, it can feel as though the past is ever-present, tarnishing what is good and holding you back. Yes, regrets can be stressful. They can certainly keep you awake at night. They can also affect how you manage, and engage in, your daily life.
Regrets can be for something you did which you shouldn’t have or something you should have done which you didn’t.
In the moment that you do something (or decide not to), you do so with our best thinking at the time. As someone
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We all know that it’s tougher now than it’s ever been with more demands and fewer resources and with competition stronger* than it’s ever been.
This means that those at the top, under pressure to achieve, have bigger and bigger expectations of those they manage. If they don’t they’ll be out on their ear with the mortgage to pay and food to put on the table.
This in turn often means that people may be given more responsibility than their skills are equipped for. But if you too are in fear of losing your job, you just keep on keeping on, feeling less and less confident, with your results not matching your own expectations, never mind anyone else’s.
Now, if that doesn’t cause stress, I don’t know what does.
But what to do about it? It’s not the easiest one to manage but here are some ideas:
I hope this article has given you some options about bridging the gap between your role and your skills. As always, if you would like further help – whether it is identifying the skills you need or helping you build them – do feel free to call me on 0834 130 0854. You’ll be glad you did.
*By stronger I mean more prolific. Everyone has a similar struggle so it’s how you deal with it that really matters.
In the latest in the series of Sources of Negative Stress we are going to address the thorny issue of high targets.
Targets are a useful way to focus the mind and channel your efforts towards an intended goal. In some ways it can take the pressure off: if you are juggling too many demands it helps you to concentrate on one, unimpeded. There is a freedom in that, as long as you are able to ‘let go’ of, reschedule, or delegate the rest. Otherwise, it is just stress, stress, stress.
But if the target is overwhelmingly high, it can trigger the fight-flight-freeze response . Though these are a natural reaction to stress, they don’t solve the problem and would likely make it worse. How? Here are some examples together with ten strategies to help you:
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This is the second article in the Sources of Negative Stress series and, in the light of the tragic suicide of the gifted and successful designer, Kate Spade, I thought it would be timely to talk about the stress of keeping up appearances.
Early reports say that Kate Spade was unwilling to risk the public discovering her depression if she sought help, so she struggled alone, self-medicating with alcohol. The problem when we self-medicate is that it doesn’t help us deal with the underlying problem – it simply masks it. The underlying problem just festers and festers until you implode, or seek the right kind of help.
The burden of trying to keep up appearances could not be heavier, or the consequences worse. The façade of the perfect life, perfect business, perfect relationship is just too much for anyone to sustain. And the price is just too high.
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Who doesn’t experience overwhelm sometimes? Although it doesn’t happen to me often, when it does, it is as though I am driving in first gear, without my Satnav and only brain fog for company. It is a sign I have left things too long and I need to start taking control now, if not sooner. Is this something you recognise in your life?
If only we could have demands, duties and deadlines flow in at exactly our preferred work rate. Enough to keep us engaged and feeling productive. But not so much that the stress of it damages our results and sense of worth.
But this is the real world. We can rarely control the amount of work and demands we experience, but we can control our response to them so that we feel more productive, more empowered and less stressed. In this article, I share my top ten: ones I use with my clients and also on myself when overwhelm strikes.
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I’ve been doing talks recently about stress, mental health and wellness at work. And one of the statistics which people find most alarming is that almost one in three people have experienced either unmanageable stress or mental ill-health at work (depression or anxiety). 62% of people attribute this in full or in part to work.It isn’t surprising when we consider our VUCA world: volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous. Never has it been harder to get ahead, stay ahead and enjoy the journey. We expect more from less and the scope, scale and speed of business is an ever-changing landscape.
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We all have 1440 minutes every day. Yet some people seem to achieve so much and others barely make a dent on their good intentions. And yet others seem to be incredibly busy achieving absolutely nothing, least of all a sense of achievement or fulfilment. There are many reasons this could be true and one way to think about it is to consider how you use your time according to how much you do of each of the following:
Spending time is doing things which are either nurturing to the soul or maintaining. They are necessary for balance and to keep you on track.
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